Diaries, Self-Improvement

Project: Today I am thankful for

Dear Friends,
I am going to do this project for my self-awareness as a daily reminder to focus on the positive things in life because I often forget the good and tend to remember the bad so this is my way of helping myself to rebalance that. You are welcome to join me. I will post mine daily on my Facebook and here, and you can leave yours in the message. Together, we can be better, happier, and healthier. (How to be happy)
親愛的朋友,
我從今天開始要做一個自我提醒的 “每日感謝” 活動, 用來提醒自己每天發生在周遭值得感謝的大事和小事, 因為我似乎較常記得壞事, 而常忘記好事, 而這個每日感謝的自我提醒活動, 目的就是為了幫助我自己平衡和改變. 歡迎你和我一起, 我會每天貼在我的臉書上, 你可以把你所感謝的事, 用留言的方式和我分享. 我們可以一起, 變得更好, 更開心, 更健康. (耶魯快樂課)

11/12/2020 (Day 1):

Today, I am thankful for those wonderful families and friends that make me feel loved and appreciated. I hope I have made you feel the same way.

今天, 我感謝一票美好的親朋好友, 我感受到他們對我的愛和感謝. 希望我也讓你們有得到相同的感受.

11/13/2020 (Day 2):

Today, I am thankful for enjoying a simple breakfast and a cup of coffee at home.

今天, 我感謝我能在家享受一頓簡單的早餐和一杯咖啡.

11/14/2020 (Day 3):

Today, I am thankful for the technology that I can have a heart-touching conversation with an old friend who lives in another country via Facetime.

今天, 我感謝科技, 讓我能夠和住在另外一個國家的老友用視訊的方式聊一些心事.

11/15/2020 (Day 4):

Today, I am thankful for my awareness of the mistakes I have made and the need for changes.

今天,我感謝自己有覺察到過去所犯的錯,以及需要改變的地方。

11/16/2020 (Day 5):

Today, I am thankful for the process of learning how to stay with my negative emotions when I feeling down.

今天,我感謝自己慢慢學習, 當我感到低落的時候, 如何與自己的負面情緒相處.

11/17/2020 (Day 6):

Today, I am thankful for the ability to learn that I am enough, I am worth it, and I am loved. At least, I need to believe it myself.

今天,我感謝自己有能力去學習, 我是夠好的, 我是值得的, 我是被愛的. 至少, 我自己必須相信.

11/18/2020 (Day 7):

Today, I am thankful for the reminders that I received from therapists and friends to focus on what I have done/achieved (or did well) so that I will focus on what other have done for me (instead of what have not been done or didn’t do well) because I can’t give others what I don’t have.

今天,我感謝諮商師和朋友們不時提醒我, 將注意力放在我已經做到和完成 (或做得不錯)的事情, 這樣我才會將注意力放在別人為我所做的事情上 (而不是沒有做到或做得不夠好的事), 因為我無法給別人我自己沒有的東西.

11/19/2020 (Day 8):

Today, I am thankful for myself putting efforts to stay as healthy as I can for my body, my mind, and my soul.

今天,我感謝自己盡力保持自己在身體/心理/心靈上的健康.

11/20/2020 (Day 9):

Today, I am thankful for the patients I have developed over the years so I don’t sweat the small things.

今天,我感謝自己過去幾年來培養的耐性, 讓我不再為小事而動氣.

11/21/2020 (Day 10):

Today, I am thankful for the trust that my clients have in me to share their pain and issues with me, and together we help each other to heal.

今天,我感謝我的個案對我的信任, 告訴我他們的傷痛和問題, 讓我們幫助彼此療癒.

11/22/2020 (Day 11):

Today, I am thankful for the opportunity to witness my good friends’ wedding because they show me what true love takes.

今天,我感謝有機會見證好友的婚禮, 因為他們讓我看到什麼是真愛. 

11/23/2020 (Day 12):

Today, I am thankful for a warm sunny day today.

今天,我感謝今天晴朗溫暖的天氣.

11/24/2020 (Day 13):

Today, I am thankful for

今天,我感謝

11/25/2020 (Day 14):

Today, I am thankful for

今天,我感謝

11/24/2020 (Day 15):

Today, I am thankful for

今天,我感謝

Self-Improvement

如何讓自己快樂

(CBS主播)
耶魯教授桑托斯教導全球的學生,如何透過科學 享受快樂生活
(WTNH主播)
這堂課完全改變了耶魯校園
(CBS主播)
桑托斯的課”心理學與美好生活”於一月開始,結果吸引了1/4的耶魯大學生修課
成為耶魯300年校史最受歡迎的課程

(CBS主播vs.桑托斯\耶魯心理學教授)
快樂時刻開始,請教您 快樂的第一步是什麼?

快樂的第一步是了解哪些我們以為怎麼做就會快樂的直覺是錯的,因為研究顯示, 如果你想快樂只要”改變心態”

勞麗桑托斯被耶魯師生稱為”人氣教授”,因為這位42歲的耶魯大學心理學教授,今年一月創下耶魯316年歷史的紀錄

代號Psyc 157的”心理學與美好生活”(Psychology and the Good Life),六天之內湧進1182名大學生選修,等於每四位耶魯生 就有一人選修這門課,創下耶魯史上最多人選修,最受歡迎的課程

她教學生一個不是很容易的主題,”如何讓自己快樂”

1)每天沈思至少十分鐘。什麼都不想,有點類似靜坐。
2)每天花半小時,每日寫下你今天感恩的事。至少五項。包括大便暢通,都可以感恩。
3)不要加入太多社群網站,尤其是負面的社群網站。請刪除。
4)每個月至少寫一封信給你感恩的人。
5)每個月,至少有一天放空自己,發呆,聽音樂,看電影,唱歌,至少一天。
5)每天晚上睡覺前閲讀那些會帶給你平靜的書或是聆聽使你感動的音樂。
6)當妳煩惱時,扭轉它的方法,就是重複以上1-5的動作。
7)不要對成功及金錢,有過高的渴望,並且以此定義自己。

8)最後快樂的祕訣是:「給予」:根據大數據的研究調查:不斷的给予、幫助他人、從事志工工作,是擁有最多美好人生的人,也是最快樂的人。

 

Kids, News Articles

教育的最高境界:把孩子培養成普通而幸福的人

在臉書上看到這篇 教育的最高境界:把孩子培養成普通而幸福的人, 讓我感觸很深.

1、別害怕孩子愛玩電腦,這是他們未來的工作、生活方式。

2、一開始別太在乎孩子成績,要關心他是否喜歡學校。

3、除了讚美,要有懲罰,不過懲罰教育不等於簡單的棍棒教育。

4、讓他堅持一樣體育運動,羽毛球,乒乓球,籃球,足球,排球都好。

5、從小學開始,一定要分點家務給他做。

6、愛他,也要一樣愛他的爸爸(媽媽),永遠。他會記住的,學會愛他的愛人和孩子。

7、別上奧數,那裡最擅長用培養天才的口號折騰普通人。

8、也許你有很多夢想沒有機會實現,別讓孩子代替你實現,那是你的夢想,不是孩子的夢想。

9、請蹲下來和孩子說話。

10、為他培養一種終生受用的興趣,不論是高雅還是通俗,不論是大眾還是小眾,音樂,美術,文學,寫作,集郵,手工,這些都很好,但請不要僅僅為了考級或升學去學。

11、試試和孩子一起看課外讀物。好書是孩子受益一生的良師益友。

12、耐心陪孩子玩遊戲,即使你認為他的遊戲內容很無聊。

13、當他耍賴時,絕不妥協。

14、每月帶孩子逛一次書店,每次兩小時以上。

15、小孩子之間的問題讓他們自己去解決。

16、孩子越大, 我們越是絮絮叨叨他的缺點,請一直用他剛出生時候的眼光去欣賞他。

17、下棋,游泳,騎自行車,打升級,K歌,這些普通人都愛玩的項目可以早點教會他。

18、除了成長中教給他誠信,善良,孝順,尊重,原則等基礎的東西外,也要包容並認同他個性,專屬的特質,畢竟他是唯一的。

19、靈魂要自由,思考要獨立,活得要真實。

– – – – – –

洪蘭的文章 – 當虎媽的孩子長大後,  文中最後說到, 

“使我頓悟到原來「棒子頭下出孝子」的「子」跟「久病床前無孝子」的「子」是同一個人,如果跟父母的關係是畏多於愛,一旦畏沒有了,父子就形同陌路了,只剩下傳統的孝道綁著親子關係。中國人喜歡打孩子,. . . 在動物實驗上,電擊的確是戒除行為最有效的方法,但打會帶來恨,就算孩子成名後會說:當年若沒有父母狠打,就不會有現在的我。但這個代價太高了,親子之愛是動物最崇高的愛,不值得用任何東西去換它。父母千萬不要為了炫耀孩子成就的虛榮心,斷送自己晚年生活的意義。讓孩子從心裡對你感恩,你老了他才會報恩。”

 – – – – – – –

Ruby on Rails發明人:直到跨足富人世界,我才發現的教訓和真相.

“如果要說有什麼改變,我開始更專注地去欣賞我一路上幸福感的來源:對某件事的全心投入和心靈的平靜。這一切就像我拉開通往百萬富翁夢想的簾幕,卻出乎意料的發現:簾幕另一邊的東西我早就已經擁有。我半驚半喜,但最後完全放心下來。

放心的原因是因為除非嚴重災禍發生,不然我不太可能失去那些我早已擁有的東西。我可以接受從用金錢堆出的夢幻粉紅雲端上高高摔下,因為我會回到最開始的起點,回到哥本哈根那個只有13坪的小公寓。我的興趣和好奇心一如既往,我的熱情也完好如初。經歷過貧困和富有兩種極端的生活,我發現不只在兩個極端下都能活下去,還各有各的樂趣,這是我學到的第一件事。”

–  –  –  –  –  –  –

大人最大的迷思, 是以為, 普通人不幸福, 一定要成為某種人才會幸福, 例如有錢 = 幸福, 所以希望孩子從事能賺比較多錢的工作, 卻忘了, 孩子自己有他的優缺點和長短處, 只要他找到一份能發揮他的長處, 優點, 熱情且感到驕傲的工作, 他就是非常幸福的了.

我也是過了四十歲之後, 才開始慢慢理解, 什麼叫簡單的幸福,

為什麼很多書都說, 自己沒有的, 無法給人, 所以要先好好愛自己, 自己給自己安全感, 這樣你才有辦法把心裡滿滿的愛給別人, 而不再擔心別人是否能愛你;

Self-Improvement, Spiritual Enrichment

7 Things to remind yourself when the light inside you is fading

Lights insideDo you ever feel like ‘hopelessness’ and ‘despair’ have been your only companions, lately? Do you feel like running away; to a place far away, far from everyone you know, far from everything you feel, just far from all the pain?

You’re not alone! Most of us, if not everyone, have felt this way in life at one point or the other. And the fact that we’ve all survived till now is a testimony to the fact that it is definitely possible to turn your life around, to make yourself strong enough in order to stop feeling this way and to regain that lost faith you had in yourself.

So if you’re feeling broken right now, if you feel like nothing in the world is going your way and if you feel like there’s no hope left, then it’s the right time to remind yourself of the following:

1. You won’t know true happiness if you’ve never seen real pain

It may sound ridiculous right now but this pain that you’re feeling, this horrible gut-wrenching pain; just hold it close, feel its extent in the deepest corners of your soul and let it change you in ways you couldn’t ever imagine. Because you ARE going to come out of it and when you do, the happiness you’ll feel, the pride you’ll have in yourself and the life-changing experience it’ll provide you will be amazing! More amazing than anything you’ve ever known. You’ll come out of it stronger, wiser and more content than you were ever before.

2.  Don’t try to fight what you’re feeling

Don’t hold it in, don’t avoid how you’re feeling and don’t pretend that everything’s going normal only for everything to explode at the most unexpected moment! What you’re going through is perfectly normal. No person has the ability to meet different people and eventually have so many of them leave or get so close to their dream job only to get rejected at the very last stage or have their heart broken by the love of their life and then just go through life as normally as before.

Let the hurt and anger out, take your time and if and when someone asks, accept the fact that you are not just doing ‘fine’.

3. Remember why you’re here

You always had this one passion, this one thing that you had worked tirelessly for, this thing that had become the bane of your existence. And even if you were still exploring what you want from life, then don’t let the exploration stop. So what if life has gone a little off track on the way? Look endlessly for what it is that you love or pick up right from where you stopped, define a specific goal for yourself and don’t let this life go to waste.

4.  Look at the bigger picture

We know how heartbroken you are about your recent breakup. We know how badly you wanted that job. We know a lot of your close friends have moved on to bigger and better things, and all of that sucks! It really does, but try to stop obsessing over those things for just a moment and think about what you still have. Look closely at all the romantic options you can still explore, acknowledge the friends who never left, look closely at the job you’re actually getting.

There are so many wonderful things out there in the world just waiting for you to experience them. All you have to do is look beyond all this temporary heartbreak and pain.

5.  Contact the friends and family who really care

No matter what position you’ve achieved in life, no matter how far away you shifted and no matter how badly you once fought with each other, some people in life will always be your constants. They’re the people who truly love you, who’d leave no stone unturned just to see you smile and the people who can actually get you out of this bad phase. So please stop hesitating, pick up that phone and find the courage to tell them exactly what you’re going through. I promise you, you won’t regret it!

6.  Find your happy place

When we’re going through a tough time, we tend to focus all our time and energy in thinking about all of the things that are going wrong, to keep wondering what we ever did to deserve this and to forget all of the things that can possibly bring a little joy. Just stop sulking and lying around in your bed all day. Go to that party you had been looking forward for months, watch that movie you had planned with your sister and dedicate an entire day to reading your favorite book. The things that made you happy still have the power to do that. All you have to do is get up and embrace them.

7.  Everything you feel right now is only temporary

Neither pain nor happiness can remain permanently in our life. Life is a series of ups and downs and that’s what makes it absolutely beautiful. I mean, think about it! How boring would this life be if everything just kept going at a constant, never-ending happy state? You wouldn’t get to experience every kind of emotion, you wouldn’t grow into someone different and you wouldn’t be the person you are today. So accept this phase in your life as something temporary, wait for this storm to pass you by and then ultimately enjoy the happiness that it will definitely lead to.

Screen Shot 2016-04-30 at 6.45.55 PM

 

 

Books, Self-Improvement

覺醒: 尋找真實的自己

20110329PalmSprings今年我即將邁入四十歲, 39-40這一年似乎是人生的一個關卡, 因為我自己在這一年遇到重大轉折, 開始探索之後發現, 許多人在他們自己的39-40那一年也都遇到一些困難和危機.

“危機即是轉機” – 這句話當我正在危機當下時, 是不太能理解的, 只有等到事過境遷, 再回頭看這個危機時, 才真正了解它的含義. 危機的發生, 正好給我一個機會停下腳步, 好好思考, 領悟一些事情後, 做些大大小小的改變, 因為有挫折, 才有成長.

你知道, 愛自己 (Love yourself) 是什麼意思嗎?

你知道, 快樂來自內心 (Happiness comes from within) 是什麼意思嗎?

在自我探索的這個過程中, 我讀了一些很棒的書籍, 這些書, 幫助我了解自己, 了解與父母的關係和成長的過程是如何對長大後的自己有如此深的影響, 了解自己某些下意識的認知, 行為, 反應, 其實都有原因, 只是自己不自覺而已.  這些書也幫我了解, 什麼叫愛自己, 什麼叫快樂來自內心, 可以說我是到了四十歲, 才知道怎麼做自己, 怎麼愛自己, 怎麼做一個身心健全的女人.

1. 蘇絢慧的《其實我們都受傷了》《其實你沒有學會愛自己

2. 張德芬的《遇見未知的自己》《活出全新的自己》《遇見心想事成的自己》《愛上自己的不完美》《愛到極致是放手

3. 鄧惠文的《學習, 在一起的幸福

4. 周志建的《故事的療癒力量》《擁抱不完美

5. 史戴分 格羅茲 (Stephen Grosz)的 《說不出的故事, 最想被聽見》(The Examined Life)

6. 約翰.詹姆斯 (John W James)《一個人的療癒: 真正的放下, 是你不介意再度提起 》(The Grief Recovery Handbook)

在這漫長的一年裡, 很慶幸我有一些很棒的朋友, 不離不棄, 即便我處在人生最低潮, 情緒最不穩, 反反覆覆, 上上下下, 就像雲霄飛車一樣, 他們還是依舊在身邊陪伴, 聆聽, 支持, 鼓勵, 我由衷感謝你們.  希望我自己將來, 也能這樣幫助在受苦的人走出困境, 這就是最好的回饋.