[前世今生] 被遺棄, 不被愛, 居無定所的漂泊, 背後的原因終於找到了


I started learning Hypnotherapy in 2018.  Since then, I have completed three 10-weeks long courses plus one 4-weeks course, and we did quite a few group past life regression sessions but not even once was I able to be in one of the past life.  I know my subconscious didn’t want me to see just yet because I wasn’t ready, and I can sense whatever was there aren’t pleasant or maybe painful.

Since the divorce was finalized in 2015, I was so depressed after the reality hits me, and for a few years I don’t know who I was and I was very lost.  I always have issues with abandonment, not feeling loved, always drifting, and don’t know where is home.  The home I built with my ex-husband was the first time I can call a place home and felt like my home.

Virna Low is the creator of Joyfull Being. She is very intuitive and integrates aromatherapy, bodywork, and energy healing to serve her clients with their issues.  I have been working with her since early this year to help me resolve and improve.  The day before 4th July, I did a session with Virna, and I wanted to focus on feeling more secure, confident and at ease no matter what happens around me but what it ended up finding was totally out of my surprise.

She started by using different essential oils on my feet and on my neck and back with a light massage.  She kept getting knots on some part of my shoulder and she starts talking to herself (did I said she is very intuitive!!! I mean she can channel with higher being for guidance). She said to me that my arm feels like a robot clicks on, can’t be relaxed.  I said it might be because my bag was heavy.  She said, No, it’s more like you always need to DO something, and this DO something is preventing you from moving forward.  I said, Yes, I feel uneasy if I have nothing to do and I want to keep myself busy.  However, I also feel pressure when I am too busy.  Then she is like the light bulb got turned on and said, that’s it. You can’t just BE, just be yourself, with yourself, you need to DO something so you don’t have to be with yourself.  All of sudden, I said Yes, I feel guilty if I am not busy doing something related to work, related to making money.  I forgot what she asked me for me to said that I felt that I am not wanted, I don’t belong and I don’t know where is my home.

Then she asks me to ask my high self take me to the beginning when I felt I am not wanted.  I know what I said at first were all in this lifetime, circling, back and forth (Virna told me afterward that she was thinking we might need to do this again in other time because she felt my resistant but her higher self told her to be patient). We stuck for a little while and then she said she saw a little girl crying.  Then she repeats again, asks my higher self take me back to the beginning of the time when I felt I am not wanted.  I became quiet for a while. All of sudden, I said I am in a very dark place and I can’t see anything (she said afterward that she know we are in the right place). She then guided me by asking, can you light it up by using candles or flashlight? I said, flashlight only see my own hands but nothing else.

She started to help me dig deeper. I don’t know which life it was but the first thing came out of my mouth was “I was the only survivor”. I saw myself standing in a burned down house by myself. I was 2 years old. Virna wanted me to go back to the time before the house got burned down and ask what did I see. I said I saw my grandparents, my parents, and my older sister.  I was playing outside the house and I saw other neighbors started screaming and running. Virna asked me, do I know what happened? I said, my dad owes people a lot of money so he set the house on fire so no one needs to deal with the money problem but he didn’t know I wasn’t in the room napping like my older sister was. My dad said he was very sorry to left me behind.  Virna asks me, how do I feel when my dad said that.  I said, I rather die with them, not be abandon. Virna asks me, where did I go after the fire? Did I grow up? I said I saw an Orphanage and a family. I was married but no kids. My husband is acholic, and I saw myself in two different death themes – one is I hang myself, and the other one is I drowned (Virna said drowned was in a different life).

Virna wants me to go back to where I was ready to reincarnation.  She wants me to ask myself why did I choose to go through life like that.  What was the reason or what were the lessons I want to learn? I said Nothing is real.  Virna asks, what do you mean? The pain wasn’t real? or what is not real? I said Life is like a computer game. Nothing is real. I can’t control what might happen but I have choices on how to deal or handle when something has happened.  In the end, Virna uses a golden healing light to heal my wound, want me to remember the reason for that life and the lesson I learned from that life, and bring me back to the room.

When I open my eyes, I still can’t believe what I was telling her. Now I know why I have trouble to do past life regression before because it was too painful and I wasn’t ready to face it. Now I also know why I always don’t felt loved, wanted, not belong anywhere, always want to have a home but drifting from place to place. When I looked at the clock on the wall, I can’t believe it’s been 2.5 hours because I didn’t felt that long.  I told Virna, it’s 4th July tomorrow and I am going to hiking, bring a book to a coffee shop and just enjoy the time by myself.

It’s been 10 days after that session (I also got sick for 10 days) and I started noticing some subtle changes inside me. I felt much at ease without DOING anything. I felt much calmer whether I am busy or I have nothing to do. The feeling of not wanted, not loved, wanting to belong somewhere, or feeling drift is slowly fade away.  I begin to feel that I know who I am, I know I am worthy, and I know I will love myself and I know I can handle whatever happens in life.  I know I will be fine.

我是去年開始學催眠, 我已經完成了三堂十週和一堂四周的課程. 這在一年多來, 我們做了好幾次團體的追朔前世的練習, 但我總是無法進入, 我知道我的潛意識還沒準備好讓我看到, 因為我有感覺那是個很痛苦的經歷.

自從2015年的離婚確定後, 生活有很大的轉變, 這個認知終於打趴我, 憂鬱症終於發生, 那幾年我不知道我是誰, 我不知道為何活著. 從小到大我總是覺得不被愛, 不被需要, 不斷的漂浮, 不知道家在哪裡. 我和前夫所建立的家, 是我第一次有歸屬感, 有一個地方我可以稱為家.

Virna Low (劉煊儀) 是一位直覺靈感很通的人, 她結合芳療, 按摩, 和能量一起來為客人解決他們的問題. 我從今年初開始和她做了幾個療程, 慢慢清理我內心深處的問題. 今年國慶日前一天我和她又做了一個療程, 這次的主題原本是安全感, 自信和自在, 但最後得到的結果卻出乎我意料之外.

她一開始先用幾款精油幫我擦腳底和按摩肩背, 然後他不斷按到一些打結的地方, 然後她開始自問自答, 她說你的手臂好像是機器人的手臂被扣在肩上, 一直無法放鬆, 我說右肩是因為背包包吧, 她說不是, 然後她說你好像要一直Do something, 而這個Do something就是一直阻礙你往前進步的原因. 我突然說, 對, 我不忙就會很不安, 我會想讓自己一直忙, 但是很忙的時候我也感到壓力. 然後她突然有賓果的感覺, 她說對, 就這個, 你無法自在的當你自己, 跟你自己相處, 你必須要做點什麼, 這樣你就不用跟你自己相處. 我說對, 因為我如果不忙, 我覺得我有罪惡感, 沒在為賺錢的事努力. 我忘了後來她是怎樣讓我說出我覺得自己不被需要, 我不屬於任何地方, 我不知道家在哪裡.

然後她說, 那讓你的高我, 你的潛意識帶你回到你覺得You are not wanted的起始點, 我知道我一開始說的都一直停留在這一世 (Virna事後告訴我, 她本來想說如果我一直抗拒而進不去, 可能要再擇期再試, 但她的高我一直叫她要有耐心), 一直到後來, Virna突然說她看到一個小女孩在哭, 然後她又重複的說, 讓你的高我, 你的潛意識帶你回到你最初感到You are not wanted的起始點, 我知道我安靜了一段時間, 沒想到, 我突然說我看到很黑的地方, 我什麼都看不見 (Virna事後告訴我, 這時她就知道來到對的地方了). 後來她引領我說, 那用蠟燭或手電筒有幫助嗎? 我說手電筒只看到我自己的手, 沒看到其他的東西.

當她開始往更深一層的挖掘, 居然帶我回到不知道哪一世的我, 先看到我站在一間燒掉的房子, 然後我說我是唯一的生存者, Virna要我把時間再往前看, 我看到二歲的我在家裡外面玩耍, 突然聽到很多大人的尖叫, 但我不懂發生什麼事, Virna要我把時間再往前看, 我看到祖父母, 父母和姐姐. 後來Virna問我知道怎麼發生火災的嗎? 我說我爸爸因為欠人很多錢, 怕我們大家吃苦, 所以故意放火把一家人都燒死, 卻沒想到我沒跟姊姊一樣, 乖乖在房裡睡午覺, 爸爸說他對我很抱歉, 讓我一個人留下來. 後來Virna問我, 爸爸對我那樣說後有什麼感覺? 我說我寧願跟他們一起死了, 而不是被遺棄. Virna問我後來到哪裡去了? 有長大成人嗎? 我說我看到孤兒院和一戶家庭, 我後來有結婚但沒小孩, 丈夫愛喝酒, 後來我看到我自己二個死亡的情景, 一個是上吊, 一個是溺死 (Virna事後告訴我, 她看到我溺死是在別世).

Virna要我時間再往前, 到我要投胎之前, 問我為什麼要選擇這麼痛苦的經驗, 我從中想得到什麼結果? 我說, 沒有一樣是真的. Virna反問我說, 你的意思是指那些痛不是真的? 還是什麼? 我說, 人生就像一場電腦遊戲, 沒有一樣是真的. 我無法控制人生當中會發生什麼, 但是我可以選擇要如何面對和處理鎖發生的事情. 然後她用金黃色的光來療癒我的傷口, 要我記得我當初想學的人生經歷是我無法控制會發生什麼事, 但我對於如何處理是有選擇的, 然後讓我回來.

當我回到當下, 我還是不敢相信我告訴Virna有關那一世所發生的事, 不過我現在終於知道, 為什麼在催眠學校上課時, 每次要做前世追朔, 我都進不去或者不想進去, 因為太痛了. 也終於知道, 為什麼我一直感到不被愛, 不知道自己屬於哪裡, 一直在漂泊, 很想要一個家, 但似乎一直得不到等等的原因了. 看了時鐘, 發現這個療程做了二個半小時, 我卻不覺得有那麼久啊. 後來我跟Virna說, 明天國慶日, 我打算自己去Hiking, 然後帶本書, 去家咖啡店, 坐著好好享受一個人的時間.

距離那個療程已經十天了 (同時我也病了十天), 我開始感覺內心一些微妙的改變, 我對於無所事事感到自在多了, 不論我很忙或者不忙都可以很冷靜自在, 那個感到不被愛, 不被需要, 不知道自己屬於哪裡, 或是漂泊的感覺慢慢的消失. 相反的, 我開始感覺到我知道我自己是誰, 我知道我是值得的, 我知道我會好好愛自己, 而且不論未來發生什麼事, 我都有能力可以面對處理. 我知道我會沒事的.

Diaries, Hypnotherapy, Self-Improvement

The Power of Intention

(中文版在最下方) I was sitting in downtown Sunnyvale’s coffee shop early this morning, next to a wide-open window so I can feel the breeze from the wind, the cool crisp fresh air, the old love song playing in the shop with my hot coffee, and I can see the street path closed-off with lots of booths were setting up because it is the Art and Wine Festival this weekend. At that moment, I truly felt that life is good, so many things to be grateful for, and I haven’t had this type of feeling for so long. I know I have got out of the dark tunnel finally.

On top of that, I start seeing the power of the intention.

Lately, I keep thinking about what I want in life at this point forward, and what is my goal for my healing biz. I went through a lot in life (I know there are many people had a worse life than mine; however, there is no need to compare pain unless you are trying to diminish someone’s pain existence which is not my goal here), and the last 5 years were the worsed; however, it also teaches me the greatest life lessons that I wouldn’t have learned otherwise. For that, I thank myself for not giving up although I have thought about it a few times. I am also very thankful for those family and friends who have been there all these years for me.

So I would like to return the favor and paying forward.  I said to the universe that I want to let more people know about the power and the benefits of the Sound Healing and Hypnotherapy, and use these two modalities among other things that I know or have learned to help others to heal themselves from whatever trauma that they have been through. I ask the universe to help me and guide me to find a way to get into all big high-tech companies’ wellness program for their hard-working employees who live in a high-stress life.  I believe the universe will make that happen.

And all of sudden, I have four new clients from Yelp booked appointments within two weeks. On top of that, I got an email from the Intuit‘s Wellness and Lifestyle Expo organizer who offer me to hosting a booth and educate their employees about my services and get the opportunity to book new clients on site. Intuit has 2500 employees and expect 500 would attend the event. I take it as a sign that the universe is responding to my intention.

Plus, possibly to do workshops with acupuncturists with Sound Bath (where I got that idea from).

By the way, if you are a yoga instructor specialize in either Yin yoga, Restorative yoga, yoga Nidra or you lead meditation, please contact me.  I would like to create a workshop together.

Or if you are interested to host a Sound Bath for your special private event, let me know.

Stanford’s Health Improvement Program has a regular Sound Immersion event at the Graduate Community Center.

Thank you for the universe, the God, the Buddha, the higher power, whatever that is, Thank you for helping me so I can help others.  I wish everyone can live in a healthy and happy life.


今天一大早我一個人坐在Sunnyvale市中心的一家咖啡館靠窗的位子, 窗戶敞開, 我可以感受到涼爽的微風吹在我臉上, 呼吸著新鮮的空氣, 咖啡廳裡放熟悉的老情歌, 我正享受著香氣撲鼻的熱拿鐵. 我看著窗外正在準備的攤位, 原來這二天剛好是Sunnyvale的藝術和美酒節. 在這個當下, 我真心感受到生命的美好, 有好多事是值得心存感恩的, 而我已經許久不曾有這樣的感覺, 這讓我知道, 我已經走出那個黑暗的隧道了.

而且, 我開始感受到 “意念” 的力量.

最近我一直在想我接下來的歲月想要過什麼樣的人生, 還有我對我的療癒工作的目標是什麼. 我這一路上經歷過許多 (我知道有很多人有比我更痛苦更慘的經歷, 但我無意與他人的痛苦比較, 因為痛苦是真實的, 比較的心態似乎有貶低痛苦的事實, 其實沒有意義, 也不是我的目的). 在過去的五年是我最痛苦的時候, 但也教會我許多人生很寶貴的一些事情, 如果沒有這些經歷, 有可能我沒機會學會. 為此, 我要感謝自己, 這一路走來沒有放棄自己 (雖然我考慮過幾次). 我也非常感謝這一路相伴的親朋好友.

所以我希望能回饋, 我過去接受過別人的幫助, 現在我希望我也有能力幫助別人. 我向老天許願, 希望能讓更多人知道頌缽音療和催眠的力量和好處, 讓我用我所學所知的東西來幫助別人, 讓他們也能從過去的傷痛當中慢慢療癒自己. 我請老天幫忙, 引領我找到一個管道或方式進入各大科技公司的Wellness Program, 來幫助那些身處高壓工作環境的員工, 我相信老天會實現我的願望的.

結果沒幾天, 我突然收到四位預約音療和催眠的新客戶, 然後收到一封來自主辦Intuit Wellness & Lifestyle Expo的電郵, 邀請我參加, 讓我介紹和教育Intuit的員工有關我的音療和催眠. Intuit有二千五百位員工, 預計五百位會參加Expo, 我把這突如其來的機會當做老天聽到我的許願了.

另外, 我正在和幾位中醫師討論合辦針灸和音療的活動.

如果你是瑜珈老師, 或是靜坐老師, 有興趣和我一起合辦活動的話, 請和我聯絡.

如果你有興趣聘請我去幫你做一個私人的Sound bath, 也請聯絡我.


感謝老天, 神明, 看不見得更大力量, 不管是什麼, 我都感謝你的幫助. 我希望每個人都過著健康快樂的生活.

Education, Vibrational Sound Therapy

[頌缽音療] Atma Buti Sound and Vibrational School in Boulder, CO.

Vibrational Sound Association2017年八月底所開的課程是我第一個Sound Therapy課程, 從此以後就愛上了頌缽音療, 這一年多來也幫不少朋友和客人做療程, 體驗過的人個個讚賞. 今年初我在East West Bookstore看到一本How To Heal With Singing Bowls的書, 才知道Boulder, CO有一間Atma Buti Sound and Vibrational School, 於是上官網查個仔細.

Atma Buti ® is a Sanskrit word and that translates to Soul Medicine, 創辦人Suren Shrestha來自尼泊爾, 他跟頌缽的因緣從1999年開始, 頌缽音療從2003年開始, 在2009年出版了第一本書 (已被翻譯成韓文, 日文, 義大利文), 所有來自書籍和部分的教學收入都直接捐助尼泊爾的Orphanage Projects 來幫助貧困的小孩受教育.

因為時間剛好連續, 所以想一口氣拿完Level I, II, III (後面還有Level IV and V, 但日期不同, 得擇期再來), 但是我掙扎了很久, 因為學費+住宿+伙食+租車, 一週下來的費用可觀, 思考了幾個月, 為了增進自己好幫助別人, 眼睛閉著就報名了. (六月份還有Level IV and V, 各三天, 但分二週)

這是我第一次來Colorado (寬闊又綠), 第一次住Airbnb (好經驗), 第一次租車開KIA 2020年份的新車 (才開了600 miles), 一共有14位學生 (據說以往都十位左右), 來自美國各地 (有幾位原本來自尼泊爾, 台灣, 印度, 日本, 英國, 葡萄牙, 但都在美國住很多年了), 有幾位是因為看了書後報名課程, 有幾位是參加Tucson’s Gem Show遇到Suren Shrestha的頌缽攤位後報名課程, 總之, 大家會一起在這裡上課絕不是巧合, 會坐在誰旁邊也都是老天安排好的 (我左邊的同學有冬天憂鬱症, 我右邊的同學住的Airbnb離我不遠).

Level I 的第一天基本上就是把要拿證書的規定講一遍, 然後同學自我介紹, 把我們面前的玩具一一介紹. 第二天學習Rubing bowls and move it around at the same time, 不太容易, 需要多練習才會熟練. 有些缽會比某些缽要容易擦響.

想像一下你身體裡面的水跟我放在你身上的頌缽共震的情況, 你不覺得很神奇嗎?

Level II 便開始教不同頌缽的排列組合, 來因應不同狀況, 上面是單純放鬆, 開第三眼, 和平衡脈輪的排列, 結合銅鈴, 則有不同的敲法順序.

老師講解完後, 我們分組練習, 一組三人. 這些按摩床的外圍都有經過加工, 才有辦法放那麼多個缽. 我可能選擇改用幾張小的折疊桌, 方便收納和攜帶.

今晚剛好是滿月, 所以加開一場滿月的Sound Concert. 真的超舒服, 好睡的.

隔天早上Suren Shrestha解釋他的頌缽排法和敲法, 然後讓大家輪流嘗試和練習. 下午學著缽裡放點熱水, 放在身上滑動和Rubing.

Level III 教幾種專門針對清理/平衡脈輪, 處理情緒 (壓力, 憂鬱症, 負面能量), 身體病痛 (關節炎, 高血壓), 以及雙缽同時滑缽(Rubbing)的深度放鬆等不同頌缽組合排列.


在Boulder, CO的一週, 從80F一路下降到35F下雪, 還好我有帶一件厚外套, 加上多數時間都在室內, 不過還是覺得一週天氣變化的落差之大, 很不可思議.

我買了一組七個的脈輪缽, 都是我一個一個挑選出來的, 用Tuner去測試每一個缽, 確保每一個音對照脈輪都是準確的, 然後七個缽敲起來的音調也符合耳朵的舒適. 花了好幾個小時的時間挑選啊. 我另外還精心挑選了三個不同大小的心輪缽回來, 只賣給有緣人囉!!!


錢神 – 謝明杰

「錢神」- 謝明杰



















Hobbies, Jewelry

314 Jewelry Classes with Carol Zarate in Palo Alto

I went to Missoula, Montana for a 5-months Photography School in the summer of 2009.  During that time, I went to visit a small town called Philipsburg a few times.  The town looks like a movie set because the buildings are nothing like where I came from (Taiwan or San Francisco Bay Area).

2009年我去蒙大拿州上了五個月的攝影課程. 期間我去了一個小城市叫費爾斯伯格幾次, 這個小城市的市景簡直像是拍電影的場景, 好像時間停滯似的.

I didn’t know Montana has mining and the Montana sapphire comes in every color of the rainbow, yellow, pink, white, gold, green, parti-color (multi-colored) and blue in every shade!

我事先並不知道蒙大拿州有礦場, 也不知道Sapphire (中文翻藍寶石)其實不是只有藍色, 還有黃色, 粉紅色, 白色, 綠色, 金色, 綜合色.

My classmates and I went for our first gem gravel hunt – we bought a bag of Montana sapphire gravel, and the store provides all the tools.  I was hooked, and it was so much fun. After the staff from the store teach us what to look for, we began a fun afternoon of a treasure hunting.

我和同學一起去掏寶石, 我們各買了一袋礦砂石, 店家提供所有需要的工具和設備, 等店員告訴我們怎麼篩選之後, 我們就開始尋寶, 超好玩的.

We found different sizes and colors of gemstones.  The staff will help us to determine whether those gemstones are worth to spend extra money to get them heat treating and faceting (quality and size of the stones).

每個人都會找到大小數量不一的原石, 經由鑒定師鑑定後, 會告訴我們那幾顆是值得我們另外花錢做切割和加熱, 變成漂亮的裸石.

I selected a few largest and good enough quality gemstones to get heat treating and faceting, and planning one day I will make some jewelry pieces out of them.  Now, 10 years later, I finally found a chance to do that.

我選了幾顆比較大的原石再做進一步的加工, 計劃未來有機會要用它為自己做幾件首飾. 這一等就是十年, 我終於找到一個機會了.

In January this year, I saw a flyer outside of a Peet’s coffee in Palo Alto for a Jewelry Studio offering individual classes. I was so happy.  So I checked out the website – 314 Jewelry with Carol Zarate, and it still took me another 3 months before I contacted Carol and step my foot into her studio.

今年一月我在PaloAlto的一家Peet’s咖啡店外面看到一張珠寶工作室課程的傳單, 我看到的時候超開心的, 我先上網看官網, 結果還是又拖了三個月才真的和工作室主人卡羅小姐聯絡.

I finally bring myself, and my gemstones to Carol’s studio. After some discussions, I began my first class with Carol.  Boy, I have so much fun.  It’s very therapeutic.  It help me stay focus, calm, and at the same time, I have fun.  It’s the same feeling when I am doing gardening, baking, painting or photography.

我終於帶著我的藍寶石和我自己來到卡羅的工作室. 經過一番討論後, 我開始了第一堂課.  天啊, 我超開心的, 非常療癒, 就像我在弄菜園, 烘培, 畫畫, 或攝影的時候, 讓我很專心, 很平靜, 又很好玩.

The studio also displays a lot of finished pieces. 現場也有展示很多已經完成的作品.

So my first project with Carol is a Raindrop Pendant with a sapphire mounted.  I used the photo above as a guide, and I choose to use copper instead of silver this time.

我的第一個作品是想做一個像照片上那樣的雨滴型墜子, 鑲嵌一個藍寶石. 照片是我的參考, 這次我選用銅片, 而不是銀片.

The first two hours of the class was just getting that thin long piece ready to shape a raindrop form – first using a piercing saw to cut a long narrow piece from a big copper piece, and then using different grade or size of file tools to smooth the piece on 4 sides (front and back plus two edges), then to form the raindrop shape.

第一堂課的二小時就純粹用在從一大塊銅板上切割一細條銅片, 然後用不同的打磨工具把那一細條銅片從粗磨到細和光滑, 然後就可以彎成雨滴狀.

中間漏掉一些照片 – 把一細條銅片彎曲成水滴狀, 焊接, 穿洞 (鏈子可以過), 鑲鑽的爪子座台, 光是做到這裡, 就花了六小時. . . . . 要不是我享受那個做的過程和學習, 我會強力建議大家買現成的首飾就好了, 若你有收到別人親手做的東西, 不論是手工皂, 蠟燭, 皮革包, 首飾, 都要感恩, 因為不光是花錢花時間, 那個心, 才是無價!!!!!

. . . . I will keep updating my project progress here.

My first handmade jewelry was back in 2017 in SF. They have three projects for you to choose from – a ring, a pair of earrings, and a pendant.  I made a silver ring.  Since it was a one-time class (I think it was a Groupon), many steps are already been taking care of to save time.

我的第一個手工首飾是在2017年, 我去舊金山上了一堂課, 他有三件首飾讓我們選 – 戒指, 耳環, 和項鍊墜子. 我選擇銀戒子. 因為只有一堂課, 學校把很多步驟都做好了, 節省時間.